Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Did I show you my penis last night?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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