According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
