I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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