why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
