Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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