Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
