That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
