Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
