This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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