As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
