Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
