i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
