You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
