idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My Sexting was not on an AP level
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
