Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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