so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
