ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
