Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so let's talk penis.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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