This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
