new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
