If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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