so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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