i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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