it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
