I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
