I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
