Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
