she woke up with a sticky ear
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
