i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
do herpes really smell.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
