I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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