Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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