But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
