3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he puts the penis in happiness.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
