I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
