she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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