so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
