woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
