the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
