Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
