my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
