it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
