I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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