I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
