Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
