This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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