Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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