Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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