she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I AM VODKA MAN
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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