She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
