Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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