apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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